Brussels Grand Place to Welcome Hard Rock Café, Then Jump a Shark.

I was working on a long post breaking down this recent Bloomberg piece, which declares that "Brussels is for foodies." Which is true. It recommends 10 nice-looking and mostly expensive places to eat. I was going to show how few of them really give a damn about beer, which ought to be shameful in Belgium's capital. But there is no news in that.

Then I came across something really and truly shameful, and it put the other stuff into perspective. The news is that there will be a Hard Rock Café in Brussels -- and not just in Brussels, but on the Grand Place.

I checked the date. April Fools? No. But is it really a done deal? It would appear so.

We should not be surprised. The Grand Place -- one of Europe's most impressive city squares -- has been bogged down with tourist traps for years. They have indifferent service and overpriced, mediocre food. They hang old beer signs and give a superficial nod to the country's brewing tradition, and then stock nothing interesting beyond a couple of Trappists. Fine. At least they look the part. They are still brasseries and uniquely Belgian, even if we knew better places with better prices a few blocks away.

But the Hard Rock? Really? Has Brussels lost its mind? And now those of us --locals and foreigners alike -- who have labored to tell Brussels that it ought to have dignity, that it deserves some, are left to ask ourselves: Did it ever have a chance? Have we been wasting our time?

"In addition to its food, Hard Rock offers unmatched specialty drinks from its award-winning bar menu, from Hurricanes and Margaritas, to its Alternative Rock non-alcoholic beverage menu featuring favorites like Wildberry Smoothies and Crushed Velvet 'martinis.'" Oh my.

The address is Grand Place 12a, up in the southern corner. This building is also known as the Roi de Baviére (the "King of Bavaria"). Note that this is not the same building as Grand Place 12, which is two doors up from the Brewers House in the building known as the Maison du Mont Thabor. Number 12a is just across the mouth of Rue des Chapeliers, adjoining the Dukes of Brabant, next to 't Kelderke. You can see a map with addresses here. In the picture above, 12a is the lower building on the far right.

A nice place for some Hard Rock neon, right?

The Grand Place is a UNESCO World Heritage Site, and there are local protections that apply. The Hard Rock might have to leave the facade relatively intact, and may face restrictions on the aforementioned neon. According to news reports, a private investor owned the house and negotiated an 18-year lease with Hard Rock. If the company follows the same rules as everyone else on the Grand Place, it's hard to imagine how the authorities could or even should discriminate based on a history of tackiness. But you never know. The locals love a good protest, and maybe this will stir them up.

I'm sure there must be a class of tourist that would be happy about this, otherwise it would not be possible. Just don't blame the Americans: It's been 20 years since I met a fellow American who was excited about seeing a Hard Rock Café. And that person, I believe, had only recently hit puberty.

Meanwhile, Brussels says it plans to turn the Bourse into a national beer museum by 2014. I'd expect heavy support from A-B InBev, and all that such support would entail. The article says, "Unlike the Netherlands with their Heineken Experience, Belgium only has a number of small beer museums." As if that were a bad thing.

About the museum: The Flemish politician says something that says too much about much Flemish political thinking: "The fact that we have a special glass for every beer, with artisanal breweries tucked away all over the place is extremely charming for our Dutch visitors. Beer is a science in which we excel, and it could be perfectly showcased in a museum like this one. We feel the stock exchange is a prime location, even though 65% of all Belgian beer is brewed in Flanders."

See how he worked that last bit in? Absurd. Nevermind that Wallonia has only one-third of the country's population. But him singling out the Dutch tourist is interesting. Will the Dutch tourists who find the special beer glasses and little breweries "charming" think the same thing about a Jupiler museum?

And what will they think of the Hard Rock?

Finally, I have to note that Hard Rock's European operations VP, Calum MacPherson, said that the company hopes to make it an "essential gastronomic destination" in Brussels.

And there, ladies and gentlemen, is your perspective.